Tom Hanks masturbates

Tom Wanks

Tom Hank punishes his kids

Tom Spanks

Tom Hanks says grace at dinner

Tom Thanks

Tom Hanks needs to deposit money

Tom Banks

Tom Hanks plays Tug-o-War

Tom Yanks

Tom Hanks can’t remember

Tom Blanks

Tom Hanks stabs a bloke

Tom Shanks

Tom Hanks takes a boat ride

Tom Cruise

angrybagel:

angrybagel:

“NO HOMO” i scream at my dog Homo as he shits on the carpet 

i made this up for notes i dont even have a dog 

Hurricane Katrina: Let me tell you something about Sandy. We were best friends in middle school. I know, right? It's so embarrasing. I don't even...whatever. So then in eigth grade, Irene hit, and Sandy was like, weirdly jealous of her. Like, if I would rate her a 1, and then I'd rate Irene a 3, she'd be like, "Why am I rated me so low?" And I'd be like, "Why are you so obsessed with me?" So then, for my birthday party, which was an all-category 3 and up party, I was like, "Sandy, I can't invite you, because you're category 1." I mean I couldn't have a category 1 at my party. There were gonna be storms wipping out entire cities there. I mean, right? She was a CATEGORY 1. So then her mom called my mom and started yelling at her, it was so retarded. And then she dropped out of school because no one would talk to her, and she came back in October, and now I guess she's destroying the entire East Coast.



1,556,061 plays

trojanwh0res:

HOW THE FUCK HASN’T TUMBLR FOUND THIS YEt

i’m going to put this as my ringtone lolol 

i’m actually crying right now




421,193 plays

BECAUSE IT DESERVES AN AUDIO POST.

emilygt:

dinosaurs-on-wheels:

where can I uninstall my period

i think if you download pregnancy it blocks it for a few months but then you get a really annoying loud pop up that doesn’t go away for 18 years

omg

omg seriously pads and tampons should be free to all women because it’s not something we want to buy and they’re so ridiculously expensive we’re down like 20 bucks every month which adds to about $240 a year and we have to spend it and guys don’t and it’s not our fault so they should be free

we should just stop buying them and bleed on everything they love

-hewastheirfriend:

andrvw:

im pretty sure if hamsters could speak they would all have british accents

this whole website is on drugs

ibreatheslash:

blood-songs:

reichenballs:

reichenfeels:

cpcoulter:

drinkthatliquorstore:

jazmine-chibi:

queen-moriarty:

extremelyverynotgoodyeah:

#hey Sherlock, look at me, I’m rather good too #what about me Sherlock #what am I #Sherlock #love me

John and Dean need to start a club

the My Not-Boyfriend Thinks He’s Heterosexual Club

My Not-Boyfriend Thinks He’s Heterosexual Club

Merlin can join them.

I love the look of disgust on John’s face. He’s like “Are you serious right now?”

Merlin can join them.

#jesus christ it’s like all the fandoms came together and agreed everyone is gay and thats final 

um yeah we’re slash shippers that’s what we do

Merlin can join them.

Merlin: We’re two sides of the same coin! I don’t get why Arthur just… what a dollop-head. Sorry, I’ll just drop the subject. You’d think the King of Camelot would be less oblivious… More wine, John? I hear it’s tough with you after the whole Irene debacle.

John: …If anyone still cares, I’m not gay.

Merlin: Of course you’re not. (indulgent beaming)

John: You don’t believe me, do y- fine. But it is ridiculous how he carries on. Yes, more wine would be lovely, thank you.

Draco: (muttering to himself) Stupid Potter. My father will hear about this.

My Not-Boyfriend Thinks He’s Heterosexual Club

this is essentially perfection

whereismyoscar:

brosephgordon-levitt:

dujardins:

e-pic:

plot twist: suddenly oprah shows up and has an oscar for everyone under their chairs

#except leonardo dicaprio

darvll